Let's Go To The East Side

I sometimes open Microsoft Word on my computer and type bad things.
I do this because a while ago, I used to go on Facebook when I was supposed to be doing my homework and I got in big trouble. So my dad said he might put one of those home keylogger programs on the computer to see if I had been on Facebook while I was supposed to be doing my homework or to get all my passwords to check if I had been making drug deals or to see if I had been looking at porn (he didn't actually say this but I think this was his hidden motive which is stupid because I'm not a 16 year old boy).

So I type bad things so that I might finally get him to admit that he actually did put a keylogger on it and then I can get super angry at him, or if he never mentions it, I know he didn't.
I type them into Microsoft Word, or send fake Facebook messages to random people. For example, here's one I sent to Sydney and Stephanie.

"hey dudes whats up

friday night 11 pm outside syd's house?
steph you bring the weed"

Here's another one I wrote in Facebook chat.

"Hi dad. I'm babysitting right now but in a few minutes I'm going out to the alley behind our apartment to meet my drug dealer boyfriend to do some coke and heroin. How am I buying it? I steal money from mom's purse and occassionaly, if I can't find any, I steal women's purses. Tonight I'm going to the East side to work my favorite corner near Pigeon Park and then I'm attending a homeless person party in a dilapidated warehouse where I'll pick my illegitimate child up and make some deals."

My favorite, however, was this.

"Hey yo whats up. i need to pick up those fishnets and condoms from your house... can't have another abortion stealing from clients is getting harder. anyways ill see you tomorro night around 9 . you buying?"

It's my favorite because turns out I actually went downtown the next night at 8:30 and my dad looked worried when I left. Maybe it was just my imagination.

I made sure that I didn't write this article on my home computer, because that would ruin it. I hope he doesn't look at this article. Hi dad!